went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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