My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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