I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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