Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
