New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
cat food counts as protein by the way
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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