I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
