Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
