There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
