How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
