he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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