my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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