I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize