his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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