Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
