She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
