drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found the puke drawer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
