Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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