apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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