someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
