I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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