Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize