whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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