i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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