listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
