Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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