i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
