just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
