Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
