I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
