The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
