1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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