She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
