I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
