I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
