If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
being pregnant is like rehab
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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