Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
