Screwed.edu
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
