And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
