Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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