If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
