Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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