i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
