Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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