Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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