Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
