the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
