She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize