i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
