the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
accomplished twins. life is a go
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
