i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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