we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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