Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
did you just send me my own nude
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize