OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
