i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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