Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
