I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
