I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize