she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My penis needs a shock collar
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
