He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
