So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nicole vs. Life
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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