oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize