so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
