You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
