hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
