Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
