Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
