Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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