Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
