At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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