you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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