remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
