sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
