i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
