uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
