If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
